Ex Files - Vol. 4, Let Me Take a Selfie, Part II

No matter who you are or where you live, you probably have an interesting story about an ex. Why? Love makes people do crazy things. Especially if the relationship ends & it’s not a mutual split. #hardfeelingsoflove

Welcome to the Ex Files - Vol. 4, Let Me Take a Selfie, Part II

Crazy Breakup Rule 103 - DRINK ALL ZE TINGS  

The main reason Colin and I broke up was because of my drinking...so naturally I wanted him back...& started drinking even more #smart. 

Through numerous Greek life parties and events, I ended up getting black listed from not one, but TWO fraternities my sophomore year. Which let me tell you, is not an easy feat considering the majority of Greek Life is also busy being absolute drunk disasters.

Black List Number 1 - Colin tried to take me back to the sorority house from a frat party, he and I were at. In my druken stupor, I decided to run away from him #catchmeifyoucan.

I then get lost (which is so sad in itself, seeing that the frat house was DIRECTLY adjacent to my sorority lol). So I start hysterically calling my mom, saying I’m lost and someone needs to come find me.


My mom naturally freaks (SOS lost & V inebriated daughter on the loose) & calls the police to help find me.

The police jump into action and retrace my steps - they obvi end up at the frat party and in turn, shut it down AND give them a ticket #drycampuswoes. About an hour later, I was found standing in a 7-11 corner, covered in pine needles & tree sap.

#wearthetree #bethetree #youarethetree


Black List Number 2 - I was invited to a winter fraternity formal and upon arrival, chugged two Four Lokos in the pool #everythingcomesnaturally 

These formals were held in the mountains so add the altitude to those OG Four Loko's & #stickaforkinme #imdone

Long story short - I end up refusing to get out of the hot tub to go to dinner with my date. My date STILL brings me back  dinner to the hot tub #doll, which I then throw at him (because that's an appropriate response) AND it was Mac & Cheese.

It IS about the pasta. You NEVER waste mac & cheese.

Then, to add injury to insult, I almost pass out in the hot tub and have to be carried back to the hotel.


Crazy Breakup Rule 104 - Break into his house 

One night after partying, I creep over to Colin's house - 110% uninvited and highly unwelcome at this point lol - & I run into his house, down into the basement and into the laundry room. I then text Colin to come downstairs.

Colin didn't invite me over NOR did he know I was IN his house in the first place. & yet here I am, texting him to come downstairs because I’m IN his freaking house…can’t get much scarier than that folks.

Colin decides to risk it for the biscuit & hesitantly comes downstairs to the laundry room. He finds me sitting on the washing machine, with ALL my hair in my face.


- like the true horror character I am -

my nose starts bleeding.




Colin then calls my sister to pick me up….again.

Like seriously, I look back at myself and just laugh - total flipping disaster - but we learn and grow from these disastrous ex-situations. & by some good grace, most of us still find our husbands though this sh*t.

Sane Breakup Rule 101 - Stop drinking about him. Lose his number. & GTFOver it.

Why did I have such a hard time getting over Colin? We never stopped talking or seeing each other despite my psychotic antics #bless. So my advice to those going through hard breakups? 

1) Easy on the booze. It may help the nights fly by but you'll pay for it in cringe worthy stories and horrendous hangovers.

2) Cease and desist any and all contact. Staying in touch with your ex will only prolong the hurt. & you're going to be hard pressed to get over him if you're still under him.

Till Next Time .