Sloppy Seconds

Hi beautiful babes!

Update from last vent sesh - two of the girls that bullied me in high school actually reached out to me, and get this, APOLOGIZED.

Screen shots or it didn't happen?

Don't worry I got you (left to right, use arrows to scroll):

These apologies were unexpected yet appreciated (as much as they could be 67234932874 years later). Keep doing you HS gals. God knows I'm going to keep doing me.

Now, time for another good ol' vent sesh!

Sloppy seconds

The term used to describe a past girlfriend or boyfriend who then gets with someone else - "enjoy my sloppy seconds......loser" (I had to throw loser in there because, like ew, sloppy seconds).

So where is all this going? I just had someone try to swoop in on what they thought was my sloppy seconds; but it wasn't with a past boyfriend.

Clara, or as the Delta Sigs aptly nicknamed you, Mike Wazowski,

roll on up! 

(p.s. Clara, your "bestie", Bertha, died laughing over the Mike Wazowski nickname when I told her about it. #thatswhatfriendsarefor. 

What even prompted me to tell Bertha about this college nickname? She always loved telling me you had a weird body with small arms & legs....then again on the flip-side, Clara always liked to tell me, that she liked Bertha better when she was fat...so it's safe to say, both of these girls have some serious self-esteem issues.)

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Oh, we're all painfully aware lol.

Anwho, Mike Wazowski! Shoot! I mean Clara . Let's do the damn thang. 

One of my friends, let's call her Kayla, got a new job and new serious boyfriend last year. Each of these things are huge positives in Kayla's life but these changes left her with a pretty hectic schedule.

We see Kayla when we can, but hey, a new career and a new relationship are going to take precedence over most boozy brunches.

Luckily brunch isn't going anywhere anytime soon #TG.

Does Kayla's hectic schedule keep her from a lot of our social outings? Yes. Does this make Kayla any less of our friend? No

Clara was too stupid to realize this. #frontrange #19dollarsanhour

& in all her senseless glory, Clara decided to do something pretty dumb. 

Clara has been stalking my friends and I's instagrams & noticed that Kayla hasn't been in many of our pictures.

So, naturally, like the creep she is, Clara decides to slither in Kayla's DM's:

"I haven't seen you in any of Alisha's recent pictures, do you want to hang out?"

.............

Guys. 

Like you have to be f*cking kidding me. Clara, you are SO dumb. Like, so dumb. So dumb, it's comical to the point where it literally warms my cold black heart. 

Readers, I've reiterated the next fact SO many times over these vent sessions (I feel like a broken record at this point), but it keeps proving to be more & more true. 

The girls I cut out of my life CANNOT make new friends.

Two years later & they continue to try to use people in my circle to attempt to establish some type of social adequacy #notgonnahappen. What Clara did further solidifies this. 

Clara, let me riddle ya this, before going after what you think is my sloppy seconds, you might want to make sure we're not still friends.

Now when it came to light that Clara messaged Kayla - my first thought was, hmmm Clara and I were fine after Blink 182 (I Wish You Karma)...hell, I even helped the lil' dumb dumb lie to her boyfriend after that concert.

Let's take a look (left to right, use arrows to scroll):

I love me some screenshots (I'm guessing that's why she wanted to call me too lol).

Clara, maybe your boyfriend wouldn't be so suspicious of you cheating, if you hadn't been such a cheating slooz your entire high school and community college run.

You even cheated on your last boyfriend with your current boyfriend. So like, #obvi he has reason to be concerned - a cheat stays a cheater #theregoesthealarm.

Through all of the past vents where I mention Clara, you all could probably tell I had a soft spot for her...keyword had. You wanna know why? Because Clara is a moron. 

Hi Clara.

You're a moron. 

It's hard to get mad at someone who can barely make a living for herself & has the thought capacity of a goldfish. Even if one of Clara's gross friends DID put her up to messaging Kayla, she went through with it anyways.

So where does this leave Clara and I? Fortunately nowhere. If this Monsters Inc freak EVER tries to approach me in the future, I won't be cordial this time around.

#crymeariver

Clara was supposed to be at the Barn Party charity event this weekend, but thank baby Jesus she won't be (screenshot courtesy of an anonymous source):

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Like, OF COURSE you're too tacky to buy your own tickets to a charity event.

So cheers Clara! Consider this the offish nail in the coffin of our friendship. But hey, if you keep hanging around like a vulture, maybe I'll throw you a bone of a friend sooner or later.

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Till next time.