Sidebar, Part 1

Alright readers, quick sidebar.

GUESS WHO WE SAW THIS WEEKEND?

That's right

- none other than Lauren & Grogda.

LFG!

I'll spill the deets of this run in, in just a moment.

First, I want to shed a little more light on who Lauren & Grogda are as people.

When all of us were friends, there was one night when Lauren & Grogda began discussing their weights. They went on to reveal they enjoyed cooking & baking for their friends and roommates, then not eating whatever they made while watching their friends consume the food. Why? They found pleasure in watching their friends "get fat" and "eat all those calories", while they didn't eat at all.

These are the people we're dealing with. They're not just dirty, injudicious girls. They're low base twisted.

I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that Grogda not eating is to her own detriment - she looks like a bobblehead. Her head is absolutely massive - unfortunately not eating won’t fix that.

Now let's breakdown this weekend's run in.

Myself and four girl friends walked into a new bar downtown. We made our way through the bar, found our friends & got situated at the table for bottle service. We were surveying the room & I spotted a girl that looked a lot like an acquaintance from Montana - let's call her Tana. Tana is friends with Lauren.

I turned to one of my friends - "That girl kind of looks like Tana."

My friend responded - "I thought that a little bit too."

There's a reason why none of us recognized Tana. She should be cognizant if Lauren & Grogda are baking for her.

Suddenly one of my girlfriends blurts out

"THAT'S LAUREN."

GAME. FACES. FREAKING. ON.

I started waving & blowing kisses.

What makes this run in even more comical is that Lauren picked out her wedding dress earlier that day. Meaning, she not only cussed me out shortly after getting engaged; she now ran into us the day she picked out her wedding dress.

We're certainly making our marks on her *special* days aren't we? Should we pop in on the wedding as well?

& how inelegant to be idly posted up at a rowdy bar the day you pick out your wedding dress.

Her friends weren't even paying for her drinks...granted she only has two of them.

We spot Lauren and Grogda & they're visibly stressed.

They know we're here.

Readers, I have known Lauren for 7 years - in the face of girl-to-girl confrontation, she's a spitfire. She takes who she doesn't like head-on with fiery stare downs & pointed words. She stands up for herself. & in hindsight I'm wondering if these past displays of backbone came from Lauren at all; or if all that pluck came from having a resilient friend group.

Did Lauren show that prowess I was accustomed to when we all realized we were mere feet from one another?

NOPE.

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

(Poor hunny doesn’t have that resilient friend group backing her anymore. And it’s showing.)

Lauren’s face was pained.

Her movements frantic.

She couldn’t even bring herself to look at us.

I have never seen her act like such a puss.

BUT she was smart to not engage - I would have told her to take her diseased raisin of a self back on home to her misogynist.

Lauren & Grogda sat there - their proverbial dirty tails between their legs - attempting to console one another. Shortly after, they fled upstairs to wallow & awkwardly chug drinks with trashy strangers that Tana met on Bumble BFF.

To Be Continued.