Chapter 6, Roller-coaster
The days following Sharpe and I’s HH were a major ick factor - we were attempting to rebuild but it honestly just reminded me of those awk conversations you have with an ex after a break up.
Like what are we?
Can I call you a twat yet?
Or do I just keep apologizing for something I still don't feel like I'm responsible for?
It was just freaking weird. Like you can sense the strain and tip toe'ing around in our conversations while I pathetically continue to try to mend things:
I had no idea what I was doing. And you all went through this internal struggle with me (whether you realize it or not).
Remember September 14th, #ventsesh - Look What You Made Me Do?
Let me highlight commentator "Wait what's up here??" on that ventsesh:
"whaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttt????? This whole post was an emotional roller coaster!! Mad—>confused—>laughing-> thoughtful. I feel like my head was in a swivel the whole time"
CH'YEAH. Ditto commentator. #ditt #oh. You 100% got the vibe I was putting down - #muydiscerning - I WAS ON A ROLLER-COASTER.
I desperately wanted to verbally mow down Dudley and Sharpe - but I was gritting my teeth and trying to be better…which in turn meant I was securely fastened into this dysfunctional relationship roller-coaster - trying come out with my friends on the other side.
I publicly grappled with these emotions with you all via that incognito vent.
I. Was. Struggling.
Dudley and I still had yet to meet up.
Dud had the stellar idea of doing a double date with all of us to discuss recent events #totesfuncannotwait.
We went to Hillstone in Cherry Creek which I do not recommend unless you like mediocre food and being surrounded by an old & stuffy AF crowd.
Ross and I walk into the dark and dreary restaurant
- guess who we f*cking see sitting at the bar with Dudley and Sharpe?
Seriously just guess lol.
Like this is my life.
F*cking Faye and her boyfriend.
Like honestly. What are the chances?!
Like please, someone give me the statistical chance of this happening lol. It has to be slim to none. Like out of ALL the restaurants in Denver, these two (who were integral in the problems we were having with Sharpe & Dudley) happen to be at Hillstone.
Statistics aside, Mercury was in retrograde… so I’m going to lay strict blame on that mf'n planet.
Sharpe waves me over and is like "OMG look who we randomly ran into?!" (HA yayyyyyyyyy #vombomb)
I stupidly decided to acknowledge Faye because the whole situation was awkward AF (word of advice, never engage with a hater. Ride out the awk situation in silence.)
"Hi Faye. How are you?"
Guys lol lol.
This little brat says nothing, gives me the DIRTIEST smirk and wiggles her head around in my direction.
Thank you…..for that.
I have a completely normal response…
and burst into tears.
Don’t. Engage. With. Haters.
You don’t know what they’ll do.
& frankly…you don’t always know what you’ll do either…lol someone call the whaaambulance (#ineedit).
I ran out of the restaurant crying.
Ross and Sharpe came after me and Sharpe's all like
"Meh meh meh omg I'm so sorry we didn't know they were here"
and Ross is all like
"Sharpe you're kind of the reason Faye doesn't like Alisha in the first place"
and Sharpe's all like
"This is two on one it's not fair!"
& runs back inside like the little weasel she is.
Ross (kind of) manages to calm me down and we go back into Hillstone - all four of us are seated (far away from Faye TG).
But guys - I’m just sitting in this chair, head hung, hands in my lap - BAWLING.
Legit. Straight. Bawling.
Tears relentlessly pouring out of my eyeballs, bawling. I could not get it together.
Even if someone had been like, "Hey! Guess what little lady! If you stop crying right now, I will give you one million dollars!" I would not have been able to stop lol.
& to those readers that don't cry much - you know how this goes. Once in a blue moon when the waterworks are on, it’ll be hell or high water before they stop. & like v high water because... tears…lots of tears.
So Ross and I are sitting at this table getting reamed by Dudley Der:
"I BROUGHT YOU GUYS INTO THIS GROUP. I TOLD YOU NOT TO WRITE ABOUT ANYONE IN AA. YOU DISREGARDED WHAT I ASKED. YOU DISRESPECTED ME WITH THE BLOG. Blah blah motherf*cking blah."
Your mangina is showing.
It’s blatantly showing.
Cover that thing up, grow up, and worry about things that actually matter.
I cried for the first 45 mins of this uber fun dinner and contributed to the conversation immensely - can I interest you in a stifled sob and an absolutely atrocious fugly cry face? #igotboth
Dudley continued relentlessly beaking Ross and I in his oh so self righteous manner:
"Meh meh don't write about mah frens"
"Meh meh you're not friends with your bridesmaids"
& there it was.
The bridesmaid comment from Dudley himself.
Those salty tears running down my face quickly turned to bile in my mouth. The anger was rising. & Dudley needed to be reminded of some v important information.
I agreed I wouldn't write about AA members again and Dudley got off of his soapbox.
Sharpe and Ross started small talking between themselves - I lowered my voice to address Dudley via little a tête-à-tête.
"Dudley - I've been a good friend to you. I've stood up for you and Sharpe's relationship on multiple occasions - even with your siblings. I've always had your back.
You REALLY want to talk about how I'm not friends with my bridesmaids?
You know why I'm not close with Mary anymore
Or do you not remember Vegas?”
Dudley's face dropped as if someone had punched him in the stomach.
Readers - this is where I started to gain my gusto back. The emotional roller-coaster these individuals had put me on, had LOTS of ups and downs - several twists and turns
- BUT -
this wasn't my first time on this God foresaken ride. I had been on this roller-coaster with them before. & you can bet your a**, I wasn’t getting taken on this ride again. It was time to turn the tables.
Hands up Dudley - I sense an impending drop.
To Be Continued.