Ex Files - Vol. 4, Let Me Take a Selfie, Part I
Happy Valentine's Day booboos!
No matter who you are or where you live, you probably have an interesting story about an ex. Why? Love makes people do crazy things. Especially if the relationship ends & it’s not a mutual split. #hardfeelingsoflove
Welcome to the Ex Files - Vol. 4, Let Me Take a Selfie, Part I
Some people take this blog way (and I mean WAY) too seriously.
So, let me throw some shade my way. Let's take a good hard look at college crazy numero-uno. ME. MYSELF. & I
College Alisha circa sophomore year, was an entirely different animal...actually I can't even call it that...she was an entirely different species.
She was a heart broken, Four Loko fueled psychopath that was NOT dealing with her break up well...like, at all lol. AND oh boy did she get into some situations.
The beginning of sophomore year, my boyfriend and I break up.
Let's call this poor mans
Jk. Too intense.
Let's call him Colin.
Crazy breakup rule 101 - stay close to his friends
Colin was having a house party that I was not invited to - #rude - seeing that we had broken up and all. Naturally, I show up to his party, uninvited, and proceed to make out with his best friend. I then (like the true treat I am), refuse to leave Colin's party and pass out in his bed
Colin sleeps on the couch... with another girl... lol.
But honestly what did I expect?!
The next morning, I find Colin and his new bae all cozy on the couch.
I have a v reasonable reaction and start HYSTERICALLY crying.
I then, refuse to leave his house when asked
Like seriously someone sedate me.
he calls my sister to come pick me up because I will not leave the premises.
I am appalling.
& I would say it's hard getting more cringe than that, but just you wait lol. #thebestisyettocome
Crazy Breakup Rule 102 - make your friends, stay close to his friends
I soon started prompting one of my friends (let's call her Ruth) to talk to one of Colin's friends (because me staying close to his friends was APPARENTLY not enough).
One night we're out partying and several Four Lokos in, Ruth decides she wants to tell Colin's friend I've been telling her to talk to him.
I proceed to sneak the phone battery out of Ruth's phone so she couldn’t text Colin’s friend and SPRINT out of this party like my very existence depended on it.
Like, RIP to Razor's & Chocolates where there were phone batteries to steal lol.
SO, I'm high tailing it through Old Town Fort Collins (in heels), clutching this phone battery with a death grip.
My friends - who took a vehicle and didn't run to the bars #weird - end up in line at Wash bar and see me sprint past.
Ruth starts scuh-reaming in the bar line when she sees me run by and gets an MIP.
…someone please assist us as a whole lol.
To be continued.