Hello beautiful readers. I hate to keep you waiting (& lord knows I have); so without further ado, let's jump right in.
The denv.her. blog has brought about many things - a larger network, retail partnerships, public visibility, and last but not least, a reputation.
I was talking to an acquaintance who had recently caught up on the #ventsesh column and she asked the following question:
"When did you become such a bad b*tch?"
Now, obvi this declarative question made me giddy - as coming from this girl, it was a huge compliment - but after our chat, her question got me thinking.
First, I wanted to know what the good ol internet defined a bad b*tch as. Turns out, there's multiple definitions (both good and bad...which is kind of appropriate in my case lol).
Second, I wanted to pinpoint the moment in time where I first remembered being a quote, unquote "bad b*tch".
So, Urban Dictionary defines a bid b*tch a couple of different ways:
"A self respected, strong female who has everything together. That consists of body, mind, finances, and swagger. Also, a female who does & gets hers by any means necessary. Syn. - Go Getter" (on-board with this definition, sign me up)
"1.Female who knows what she wants and knows exactly how to get it2.Female who is always ready for anything physically, emotionally, and also intellectually(one being book smart as well as street smart).3.One who is classy and all about business." (I can get on board with these definitions too...pretty much anything that doesn't define a bad b as "gutterho" lol)
Now that we all have a better idea of what a bad b*tch is, let's continue.
On the spot when I was asked, "When did you become such a bad b*tch?", I laughed & said thank you. It was more of a statement than a question anyways, so I didn't think at the time there was something to answer. After mulling the conversation over, I wanted an answer to the "when" piece.
When had I started standing up for myself? When had I started creating this reputation? Was there a specific instance in my past where I specifically remember bad b*tchness suddenly springing forth in my behavior?
After a nights worth of reminiscing, my first bad b*tch moment came to me in all it's glory. Let’s take it back to my high school years - AKA, my socially awkward loser years. Hollaaaaa!
In my early years of high school, I had no idea who I was or how to make friends. & in all of my social inadequacies, you can safely guess, I didn't have my pick of a social circle. I was surrounded by questionable teens who seemingly kept me around for the sole purpose of making fun of me.
My high school "friends" would call me bird beak. My high school "friends" would call me stupid. My high school "friends" would post pictures on myspace (RIP myspace) openly imitating and mocking me for fun.
Detour - omg so depressing and I wish I could give my high school self a pep talk. It's ok girl! You got this!
(pats younger self on head)
Why did I hang around this callous group of people? When you're an insecure teenager, you’ll take whatever friends you can get.
So, while I was desperately trying to navigate the cruel social waters of high school, there was one girl in particular, let’s call her Sally, that really had it out for me. This animosity originally stemmed from me dating Sally's ex-boyfriend. I didn’t know Sally well when I started dating her ex, so don't worry, girl code wasn't the issue here. I was simply the girl that dated her ex-boyfriend after her, which bred resentment.
Sally was always V vocal of what she thought about me. Whether it was calling me dumb or mocking me; she always made sure to publicize her negative opinions #suchatreat.
Sally especially liked to make negative comments about how I dressed. Whether she though my skirts were too short or that my Tiffany's jewelry was "too flashy" (like it's not Cartier chill tfo); she was going to let me know what she thought.
By Junior year, I started wisening up when it came to Sally. The excessive clothes and the jewelry comments were something Sally was using to bring me down - but why? Was her obsession with what I was wearing stemming from a place of her own insecurity?
One day during spirit week, I showed up in an outfit that went along with the highlighter theme - neon tall socks, a denim skirt, a neon bow in my hair - on theme and school appropriate. I walked up to my "friend" group prior to the bell ringing for class and Sally decides to announce my arrival:
"Surprise, surprise. Alisha decided to dress like a SLUT."
Everyone busted out laughing and I stood there, locking eyes with Sally.
& readers, something inside me snapped that day. I was finally going to say something back to Sally - and it wasn't going to be nice.
Everyone quieted down, wide eyed, awaiting a rebuttal from someone who had never given one.
Gasps and attempts to stifle laughs rang out from the entire group.
Sally's face dropped - had little loser Alisha really just hit back? Had little loser Alisha hit back harder?!?
Now was Sally actually poor? God no. She had a nice home and drove a BMW for goodness sakes (an older BMW but a BMW nonetheless. Hell, I was driving a Dodge). But her excessive harassing comments about what I was wearing exposed her insecurity. Sally showed me unknowingly through her bullying, that what I had bothered her. What I had made her jealous. What I had made her feel inadequate. & when I finally had enough of her ridicule, I used her insecurity against her.
Sally stuttered in a sad attempt to respond - sadly for her I was more than ready to repeat myself.
"Wha......What??? I...I'm.......NOT poor."
"YA. You are. You're poor."
The bell rang and my stunned group of "friends" including a v defeated and v embarrassed Sally, slowly dispersed.
Word of what I had said to Sally, got around school quick and soon people were texting me for deets. Final outcome? Sally NEVER said one bad thing to my face, EVER again.
Say hello, to this new and emerging bad b*tch folks.
Now readers, calling Sally poor was not nice - no need to riddle me that - but it was necessary. & you want to know why?
Because you teach people, how to treat you.
Let that sentence sink in and resonate.
You TEACH people, how to TREAT you.
That day, I taught Sally how to treat me. I taught Sally that if she was ever tempted to try to publicly bully me again, it was coming right back at her. I taught Sally to leave me alone - and that she did.
Readers, take from this what you will - whether you think I'm a bad b*tch, or a heartless b*tch, I have the reputation for a reason. & good or bad, I stand by it. I'm never going to apologize for standing up for myself. Neither should you.
Teach people how to treat you.
Till next time.