Pen Pals in Uganda

Hi friends! This week we’re going to look at the topic of enablers. To enable someone, as defined by Google, is to “give (someone or something) the authority or means to do something”.
Over the years, I’ve seen those close to me consistently enable the bad behavior of their friends. This action of enabling is generally seen in the silence that follows something questionable taking place.
For example, your friend texts a guy something crazy. Do you stay quiet or call them out? In most situations I have seen, friends stay silent when this happens. My question is, why do we enable our friends with this silence? When we stay quiet, we are enabling that individual to act foolish and in their minds, they think we’re ok with it. So why not say something?
Let’s explore a recent situation where I dealt with this.
I introduced a gal pal to one of my guy friends and they were intermittently talking for about a month (side note: if you let your freak flag fly via text in the first month of talking to someone, mayday mayday, abandon ship because it’s most likely not going to end well). After that month, my gal pal felt the guy wasn’t texting her back quickly enough or giving her the attention she needed. She then decided to respond to one of his texts on the issue of not texting back quickly enough and said, she “had enough pen pals in Uganda and didn’t need another one”…

After talking to my guy friend, surprise surprise, he was done after that text. Why? That was a crazy text. Most people will shy away from drama like that as quickly as possible so the outcome was not shocking. I called my friend out in this situation in hopes she wouldn’t do it again. Did she like that? Of course not. But as I’ve said before, being transparent with a friend is more important than allowing them to continue making a fool of themselves. You also have to think, when you enable a friend to act irrationally in situations like this, by association, it also reflects poorly on you. So buck up and say something!
Let’s look at another situation shall we?
A friend of mine recently found herself at a house party in the mountains with an individual that does not like me. Let’s call this individual, Bertha. Bertha immediately flew off the handle (what’s new) when my friend arrived. She wanted to kick my friend out of the party. Why you ask? Solely for the reason that this girl is friends with me.

This obviously isn’t normal behavior as Bertha doesn’t know my friend from Adam. Doesn’t everyone deserve the benefit of the doubt? Who cares who they’re friends with if they’re going to be nice to you as well?
Example: two of my good friends that were bridesmaids have best friends that aren’t my cup of tea. Does this stop me from being friends with them? Absolutely not. Reason A) that would be ridiculous. Reason B) they are two separate relationships.
Anyways, back to the house party. My friend, being the sweetheart that she is, keeps her cool while listening to Bertha ranting about wanting to kick her out. An individual talking to Bertha suggests that she should let my friend stay… or otherwise, I would write about it in my blog….

So let me get this straight. This group of people, evidently, cannot hold each other accountable to make the right decision, BUT GUESS WHAT CAN? That’s right lol, this blog right here. & guess what? My friend got to stay at the party because of it. #WINNING.
So, to recap, an individual actively decided to make a right decision for fear they would get called out in an opinion piece on a blog; meaning, this blog has apparently become some sort of antithesis of enabling bad behavior. That’s pretty cool right there folks. Should Bertha have let my friend stay simply because that was the right thing to do? Of course! But when you’re surrounded by enablers, leave it to denv.her. to hold you accountable.

People, do not, I repeat do not enable your friend’s bad behavior! Hold each other to higher standards. You owe each other that. As we’re all getting through this thing called life, we might as well make each other better people in the process. Yes it can be awkward calling a friend out, but if you don’t (I will lol), you’re giving them the authority to continue to behave poorly. Squash it right then and there and demand better.
Till next time!