Surface Level

Another week, another Valentine’s Day.

I feel like people either love V-Day or they hate it - there’s really no in-between.

It generally washes up to if you’re in a relationship or not. & now with social media giving everyone a window into the #relationshipgoals couples, it’s safe to say there’s going to be a lot of people drowning their tears with a bottle of wine (or ten), a pint of ice cream, and chocolates, alone in bed tonight (maybe not the ideal scenario...but that spread of food sounds pretty goals right now #feedme).

The relationship goals couples on Instagram are picture perfect from what we’re able to see; & I’m sure on this V-Day, there will be pictures posted of massive bouquets, gorgeous jewelry, 5 star dinners, and overall envious dates:

but I’m here to tell you that what you’re seeing, isn’t the full picture.

Social media is V convincing at painting false images in our heads; but what we see on the gram is just a small piece (like a 5% piece) of someone's entire life… and we have NO idea what goes on the other 95% of the time.

So how can we discern what to take from social media? How can we discern from what we see on the surface, to what’s actually going on?

Everyone has problems. The severity of those problems may differ, but at the end of the day, everyone has them (even those seemingly perfect Instagram couples). Most couples aren’t going to post pictures or videos, angry or crying after they get in a fight; but just because we don’t see these disagreements happening, doesn’t mean they aren't there.

Case in point:

I was talking to a girlfriend and we got on the topic of relationships. I delved into some of the hurdles that have come my way with the first year of marriage - she was taken a back.

“No way??? You and your husband always look so perfect on Facebook and Instagram. I never would have guessed.”

This got me thinking on just how deceiving social media can be.

Example - my husband and I went to Tahiti for our honeymoon. Legit the most beautiful place I have ever been; but try going on an international trip for two weeks with your significant other and not get into an argument. I dare you - p.s. it’s like impossible lol.

So one day my husband and I got into it and I stormed out of our tiki hut.

Now wifi was super spotty in Tahiti so when I left the hut, he couldn’t get a hold of me. I went to the hotel spa for an hour long massage (#treatyoself) to cool down and leave him wondering where I went #boraborarunaway.  

Did I document this fight on social media? Nope. Everyone on the world wide web just saw us blissfully happy on jet skis (but seriously, I f*cking love a good jet ski). No one would ever know that we fought in paradise.

I refrain from positing relationship struggles on social media as does most of the world. Why? Because sad people are depressing.

Nobody wants to get labeled as “sad” with a “rocky relationship” & because of this, most couples will keep from airing their dirty laundry & secrets to the social media world. 

The kinds of people who dare share their problems publicly on Instagram of FB are usually labeled as "dramatic" & comments are made among friends that no one cares/wants to see those kinds of posts. 

Thus why relationship arguments are more or less absent from the social media...& I think this absence can be incredibly frustrating.

It’s not frustrating because I want to hear other people’s sob stories – it’s frustrating because we forget that EVERYONE is having problems - we’re just not seeing them.

I don’t know about you all, but if I’m ever having a bad day and I’m scrolling through my insta feed and see that perfect couple on yet again ANOTHER exotic trip (how you so rich, how you so perfect, how you eat carbs all day and still look like that), it exacerbates my bad feelings.

I’m left feeling V insecure about where I'm at on those days. 

I totally forget to remember that on Instagram, we’re all ducks – & if you’ve never heard this metaphor, you’re probably V confused - so let me explain.

“Be a duck” – a metaphor that basically teaches us to hide our struggles (aka - don't let them see you sweat).

A duck glides along the water effortlessly from what we can see on the surface; ah but underneath, the duck is paddling like mad. We don’t see the feet paddling furiously to propel the duck along, we just see a picture perfect bird floating on the water.

This is social media. 

What we see on Instagram - what we see on Facebook - it's all simply surface level.

We can’t possibly discern what’s going on in the depths of someone’s life from an Instagram post. It’s a warped version of reality that will only expose us to the positives. 

In reality, we’re all f*cking ducks just trying to stay afloat (or as iPhone would have us put it, ducking ducks).

Remember all of this today if you find yourself questioning yourself when scrolling through Instagram. Behind every picture perfect V-Day couple, is a lot of BS you’ll never know about.

“But people are oceans.’ She shrugged. ‘You cannot know them by their surface.’” – Beau Taplin

Till next time.