Sucker for Pain
“I torture youuuu-u-u. Take my hand through the flames. I torture youuu-u-u. I'm a slave to your games. I'm just a sucker for pain” – Imagine Dragons
If you haven’t heard this song, go listen. It’s a jam.
Anyways, hello beautiful denv.her. babes! This vent sesh, I wanted to talk about pain. More specifically, the self-inflicted pain we cause by social media stalking.
Social media stalking is V alive and well. We stalk ourselves. We stalk our friends. We stalk our boyfriend. We stalk that cute girl in Australia who has all the best clothes and a cute little rescue dog named Waffles #hiwaffles #ilysm.
That list covers the people we LIKE to stalk. But who do we tend to stalk most? It’s generally not the people we like.
I have found the most prevalent stalking is generally done to the people we DO NOT like.
Now, why do we tend to find ourselves stalking the people we don’t like? It doesn’t really make sense, does it? Like why would we want to look at someone who hurt us? It may not make sense, but it’s safe to say that when an individual feels they have been wronged or broken up with, that person is almost guaranteed to stalk their “wrongdoer” or ex for the foreseeable future.
Case and point, I found an app a while back that shows you who looks at your Instagram page the most (GASP), yes it exists. Who is my top stalker? None other than go ol’ Peggy.
Lol #butseriously #gtfoi
I’ve been lucky enough to avoid the social media stalking of people I dislike since December (I'll disclose how I made that possible at the end of this sesh); yet I’ve certainly been victim to stalking ex-boyfriends in the past #supssad #whyyoubreakupwithme? #oh #iremember #iwasanutjob
When you’ve dated someone for an extended period of time and you split, it’s hard to go “cold turkey” from that person. Like how on earth can you go from seeing & talking to someone every day, break-up, and then move on unscathed? I just don’t think it’s possible. There’s bound to be SOME mental turmoil in the aftermath of a breakup. Questions like, “Are they seeing someone new?” , “What does she look like?” “Is she prettier than me?” run rampant through your mind and can haunt you for months after a split (even years if you let it consume you).
Thus enters social media stalking.
Social media gives you a window (albeit a painful window) to check in on the person you are no longer with.
I’ve been through two bad breakups and the social media window was my demise for MONTHS following the ends of those relationships. I would check my exes’ pages constantly, knowing it was v likely that I wouldn’t like what I saw. But like the hopeless romantic/masochist I was after my breakups (like most of us are), I would check their Facebook pages anyways.
My curious nature would turn to damsel in distress in about 0.004 seconds when I would find pictures of my exes with other girls. Cue the waterworks! There’s nothing like a good ol’ throw down bawl sesh on your laptop am I right?
Disney taught us well.
But honestly, what was I expecting to find when I looked at my exes FB pages? That they posted a status update saying: “Hey Alisha, let’s get back together!” ? Yea………no lol. That would never happen. That also would be creepy.
No sh*t I found pictures of my exes with other girls, we were no longer together! So that begs the question as to, why the f*ck was I looking?
Why are we prone to look through the social media window full well knowing we’re going to get punched in the gut?
Is it because we’re curious? Yes. It is because we’re not over the person we’re stalking? Yes. Is it because we’re insecure? Yes. Is it because we’re suckers for pain?
All these factors play a part in our “cyber stalking”. But just because these factors drive us to check in consistently on someone’s Instagram feed or Facebook, doesn’t mean we should do it.
When push comes to shove, checking in on someone no longer in your life won’t give you any closure. The only thing that can give you closure is lighting their car on fire.
Lol, jk. Don’t do that.
The one thing that can give you closure to shut the chapter on your social media stalking is personal resolve. It’s this personal resolve that has brought me to a point in my life where I’m not only v happy, but I'm also excelling in numerous areas of my life where I wasn't before.
I pushed myself to find this personal resolve last December. & since December, I can fortunately say that the only cyberstalking I do is targeted at people who inspire me… like that cute girl in Australia who has all the best clothes and a cute little rescue dog named Waffles.
So what is Personal resolve?
Personal resolve is (get ready for one of the best paragraphs you will ever read):
“A lifelong commitment to yourself. Knowing your own personal truth no matter what. It parallels the age old existential questions, “who am I?” and “what defines me?” When we know our own truth we become grounded in ourselves. Thus, less likely to become emotionally wiped out by other people or events. When we know our own truth, we make better choices and decisions, as they match our internal value system, ultimately creating more satisfaction in our lives.”
Jodi Rubin is goals with that paragraph. & readers I challenge you to hold on to that paragraph and answer the questions Jodi poses.
What is your personal truth?
Who are you?
What defines you?
Yes those can be daunting questions, but I challenge you to face those questions and answer them.
You will be shocked by the positive changes that can happen in your life once you force yourself to define who you are. One of those positive changes will be leaving social media stalking of those you don’t like as a thing of the past. Are you going to define yourself as a sucker for pain? I think not.
When I first read Jodi Rubin’s article last December, I made myself come up with an answer. My first answer was short. I have been adding to it ever since. What was my first answer?
I am resilient.
Till next time.