The Wheels on the Bus, Part IV

Hi my denv.her. babes!!!

So sorry for the vent sesh wait! We had a quick trip to NYC and now I have the worst cold in the history of like ever.

#isbutteracoldmedicine? YES.

Anywho, you ready to get this opinionated show on the road?

Picking up where we left off, I had just decided to reach out to Bertha’s ex-boyfriend (let’s call him Ben).

More or less to tell him Avril Lavigne style, “Hey, hey, you, you! I don’t like your ex-girlfriend!”

Now, was me reaching out to Ben crazy? HELL TO THE YES. Like super crazy on my part. I had never even met the guy!

But ZERO f**ks given. I had nothing to lose and V important information to gain. Either Ben was going to give me the information I was looking for, OR he would tell me I was crazy and to f**k off (which would have been well deserved at this point lol). BUT, if there was one thing that I knew with conviction, it was that Bertha was crazy.

The thing about people who have dealt with a crazy person? They generally like to talk about it. For me, personally:

Now, how did I have Ben’s number when I had never met him? That would ironically be Bertha’s doing. She had tried to call him multiple times from my phone after he broke up with her. Thanks for the contact guuuurl!

So let’s jump into this convo with Ben.

My first sentence sent to him?

“Your ex is crazy.”

& babes, that’s all that was needed to get this conversation off to a phenomenal start.

To give a brief recap, Bertha goes around vehemently telling a story that she and her ex broke up because they got a puppy. Ben’s parents supposedly didn’t like that the couple got a puppy without their consent and forced their son to break up with Bertha. This is allegedly the momentous occasion that sent Bertha into a spiral of neurotic behavior and psychotic break downs.

Now, have you EVER heard someone say their significant other broke up with them because of a puppy?

Legit no sense at all…like not even a little.

So, I asked Ben flat out: “Did you and Bertha break up because of your puppy? That’s what she tells everyone and what she's written about.”

He replied (blurred out lines for anonymity. Rex replacing the name of the puppy): 


Actual footage of me with my phone.

I’m petty.


The damn dog had NOTHING to do with Bertha and Ben’s breakup. ZIP. ZILCH.

So to everyone out there still defending Bertha’s behavior, to put it nicely, you’re all idiots. Bertha acted totally irrational, PRE AND POST BREAKUP, & Ben confirmed it.

Ben and I’s conversation continued and we got into Bertha unfortunately threatening self-harm (blurred out lines for anonymity):




I like legitimately cannot with this. Like I don’t even know where to begin.

But let’s be real, I always have words & plenty of opinions on this.

Bertha, you’re WEIRD AF.

You actually threatened to send Ben’s parents old sext messages?????????????????????????? Like, when would attempting to blackmail your ex EVER work in them getting back together with you???? Much less if you're blackmailing them with old sext messages! 


Weird, weird, weird Bertha! YOU’RE WEIRD AF.

I can’t even say “weird” enough to convey how weird this is lol.

One more time. #weirdAF.

Moving on!

The self-harm mention further solidifies that Bertha pulls this card for attention in order to manipulate those around her. #stopit

As for the short blonde friend, that is Clara (Bertha’s “best friend”). This could explain part of the reason why Bertha is ALWAYS desperately trying to copy Clara (considering the love of her life thought Clara was hot).

Case and point: Clara takes a selfie in a fluffy white coat. Bertha subsequently borrows said fluffy coat and takes almost an exact selfie days later. Stalker much? Chya.

But let’s wrap these opinions up. Moral of this whole godforsaken story?

  1. Bertha’s act is fueled solely by her own insanity and insecurities; we have the choice whether or not we want to attend her pitiful performance.

  2. Don’t piss me off. I’ll text your ex-boyfriend.