Knock knock, it’s vent sesh round two here! Dun dun dun.
I felt that after last week’s loyalty dialogue, it made sense to follow up with a post focused on deciding when cutting someone out of your life may be best. Because let’s face it, when you’re trying to hold everyone around you to an unreasonably high loyalty standard, there’s going to be some turnover.
Cutting a friend out of your life is never easy. It’s never fun either. But life is too short to be consistently subjected to someone who doesn’t positively impact your life. & if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 20’s, it’s that people can drastically change in the course of a month or two. So how do you tell when it’s time to let a friend go? I’ve narrowed it down to three actions that I think are red flags. So pour yourself a glass of wine and see what you think:
1. Does your friend talk bad about their “best friend” ?
Run run run run run run RUNNNN. Run to the mountains and never look back! This is red flag number one and, in my opinion, the most prominent characteristic of someone with severe underlying insecurities (they have to put others down to feel somewhat better about themselves). These are the best friend sh*t talkers. & let me tell you something, if someone is going to talk bad about their best friend to you, you can only imagine what they’re saying behind your back. I just had an unfortunate experience with this one. I had a friend who consistently kept talking bad about her “best friend” (and everyone else for that matter) saying “poor thing she just isn’t that cute”. Come to find out this same girl was saying bad things about me too. This wasn’t the first time I’ve encountered the best friend” sh*t talker, so was I surprised? Not in the least. Fake people don’t surprise me anymore. Loyal people do. My only regret was not ending that friendship sooner. You’re fired.
2. Does your friend complain excessively?
This one is trickier than the first because guess what, we all have bad days. I feel like needing to complain and vent to a friend is in our human nature and necessary at times. However, is it overkill? Are you all out having a blast and this person consistently has something negative to say? Are you simply chilling and watching tv with a group of people and they can’t stop complaining? Watch out for it! These are the negativity leeches. They will complain and moan to anyone willing to lend an ear. So that’s a decision you’ll have to make. Do you want to be that person’s pessimistic sounding board? Boohoo I’m single. Boohoo I don’t have a job. Boohoo I don’t have any money. WAKEUP CALL. Stop complaining, get off your ass and DO something about it! I have no sympathy for people with little to no initiative to change their situation. You’re fired.
3. Does your friend do sketchy things?
This red flag is hard to identify because you generally have to do a little digging to find out if your friend is doing something sketchy. Now something sketchy is very vague lol, I know I know. I guess you can attribute the following to being sketchy: lying & downright nasty not niceness. Pretty much anything that you could classify as “hmmm that’s a really weird thing you did/said and I question your intentions as a friend.” I frankly don’t get the friend that starts being sketchy and lying; the sketch ball if you will. Transparency is huge in any friendship. Because guess what, if someone is your friend and you tell them the truth, no matter how ugly, they’ll most likely support you. Why? Because they’re your friend.
I’ve had friends who seemed to always lie about past boyfriends and guys they were seeing. “We broke up because his parents didn’t like that we got a puppy.” Ummmmm…(crickets)…what? Because of a puppy? That’s one I had never heard. Kudos for creativity. "He got me a pink Harley motorcycle"... I'm not even going to acknowledge that one with a response lol. “He wrote me this strange text ending things after I saw him at the bar last night and I didn’t even do anything.” Hmmm…really? You did…nothing? Zip, zilch, nada? And he wants to end it? Well let’s see…does any of that make sense? I’ll answer that. NOPE. Little to my surprise, those stories proved to be false. Be honest with your friends! If you went crazy on a guy in a bar, who the hell cares (besides the guy of course). If your friend is actually your friend, she’ll probably tell you to chill but still laugh about the situation with you. So if you start lying, please let me show you to the door. You’re fired.
So is cutting a friend out or walking away from someone ever the right decision? Are the factors listed above telltale signs of a friend who really isn’t a friend?
That will have to be your call.