Chapter 4, The Patriarchy
Dana and Ryan were supposed to get married in 2020 but Covid dismantled that. We still wanted to celebrate what should have been their wedding weekend, so we decided to make a trip to Fort Collins for a mini staycation.
Lauren and Gary were in tow.
On Saturday morning, we set out boating on Horsetooth Reservoir. I have a tête-à-tête with Gary while we're watching a bunch of ducks on the water. Sarcastically, I tell Gary that he should catch me a duck. He turns and looks at me seriously:
"You want me to catch you a duck?"
I laugh and mockingly prompt:
"YES, Gary I'd LOOOVE for you to catch me a duck."
Gary dives into the water and starts thrashing around, legitimately trying to catch a duck (no ducks were harmed in this bizarre showing). This went on for about five minutes until Gary got tired and climbed back onto the boat. To no one's surprise, he was unable to catch a duck.
There's something to be said about people who can't pick up on sarcasm; that combined with Gary's overall lack of social awareness and interpretation of information as literal hints at something more than drunk and disorderly... if you get what I'm putting down. Engaging with Gary sober cemented in my mind that something was off with the kid.
Aside from Gary’s odd behaviors & mannerisms, the rest of the day ran smoothly.
In the evening, we made our way to Old Town Fort Collins - Yeti is still fun as an adult.
Lauren and Gary start fighting because it comes out that Gary uses Zyn (oral nicotine pouches) & he has been lying about it.
Yes, it's as stupid as it sounds;
but Lauren is irate & refusing to talk to Gary. Because Lauren won't speak to him, Gary begins to escalate.
I take Lauren into the bathroom to try to get her to readjust and not ruin Dana & Ryan's time. While I'm trying to talk some sense into her, Dana runs into Gary lurking outside of the girl's bathroom. Gary lets Dana know he had been lying to Lauren about using Zyn and now she was upset. Dana (being the saint that she is) stays with Gary and begins helping him write an apology text. While they are working on this text, Lauren leaves the bar to go back to the Airbnb and pout. She was still refusing to talk to Gary.
Dana composes the apology text and Gary agrees that it's good and sends it to Lauren. Gary then starts making the following comments, repeatedly:
"I never know what to say to YOU women."
"You women are all EMOTIONAL like this."
"YOU WOMEN and YOUR EMOTIONS."
Dana let these comments go the first couple of times, but Gary was not letting up.
After 10 minutes of enduring Gary's "YOU WOMEN" complaints, Dana finally engages:
"Gary - when you use language like that, it comes across as misogynistic."
Gary looks at Dana,
and f*cking loses it.
"YOU called me a misogynist."
"YOU just called me a MISOGYNIST!"
"YOU JUST CALLED ME A MISOGYNIST!!!!"
over and OVER, getting louder and LOUDER..
Dana responds:
"NO - I said the language you used…"
Gary cuts Dana off and closes in, getting in her face with his eyes bulging out of his f*cking head:
"YOU
CALLED ME A MISOGYNIST!!!!"
“I’M NOT A MISOOGYYYNISSST!!!”
Marci jumps into the conversation to try to deescalate Gary and to get him to back off; but he wouldn’t let either of them talk.
“DANA CALLED ME A MISOGYNIST! I’M NOT A MISOOOOGYYYYNISSSSSSSST!!!”
At this point, Dana and Marci realize themselves and Gary were the only three left at the bar. They told Gary it was time to go back to the Airbnb.
While trying to get to the Uber, Gary was walking backwards in front of Dana, cutting her path off and continuing to verbally cut her off.
Dana, getting increasingly frustrated with Gary's unsettling behavior, decides to try a different approach:
"Gary, can you go 10 seconds without talking?"
Gary looks at Dana baffled:
"Yes….
OF COURSE I can go 10 seconds without talking."
Dana pulls up the stopwatch app on her phone to time the 10 seconds:
"Fine. Go."
Guys lol,
Gary couldn't f*cking do it.
He would make it 3-5 seconds & then start YELLING, again.
Dana tries to get in a couple of words about Gary's language and how he won’t let her speak:
“Gary you can’t even go 10 seconds and let me talk! Your language and volume all point to patriarchal issu…”
Gary loses it even further:
"YOU
JUST
SAID
I'M
PART
OF
THE
PATRIIIIII-ARRRRR-CHYYYYY"
Dana futilely tries to reason with Gary in between his incessant yelling on the ride back to the Airbnb.
Back at the Airbnb, Dana stays with Gary on the porch - trying to settle him down - but Gary keeps getting louder until he is screaming his one-sided conversation in Dana's face:
"I'M NOT IN THE PATRIARRRRRCHYYYYY".
Dana begins to cry.
Our guy friend from Montana - let's call him Monty - rushes out onto the porch and yells at Gary:
"NO.
THIS. IS. OVER!"
& ushers Dana inside.
Monty and his girlfriend stay out on the porch trying to get Gary to STFU (Monty had already had a bad experience with Gary over the 4th of July - Monty's girlfriend had said Gary ruined their weekend there too).
Dana comes inside. We all collectively calm her down and get her in better spirits.
Gary inevitably comes inside (barf) and for the rest of the night, is rushing around with his eyes still bugging out of his head, telling everyone that he's not “in the patriarchy”.
Lauren is still refusing to talk to him.
The next day, Lauren & Gary leave the Airbnb early & make up.
Gary you didn’t just “look like an asshole”, YOU WERE AN ASSHOLE. Lauren didn’t make you look that way, you did that all by your damn self. This is a prime example of Gary gaslighting Lauren. He blamed everything that happened on her - & she took it. Was part of the situation Lauren’s fault? Sure. But the majority of it was Gary and his inability to control his emotions.
Gary never apologized for making Dana cry. Lauren never apologized for her refusal to de-escalate her own boyfriend's horrific behavior. The two of them collectively ruined what should have been Dana and Ryan's wedding night and neither took accountability for what they did.
Two things had been proven over the course of the weekend: Gary was certifiably mental. & Lauren wasn’t that good of a friend.
To Be Continued.